A Night at the OAFERA (OAFS and all)

[The Story Murmurer]

“DRAW THE CURTAINS!!”

The voice of stage director Blacklock could be heard, bellowing through the backstage area. Immediately, the props proprietor, Sun Ce, rushed up the wooden stage, carrying an oversized crayon. Under loud applause, the warrior began to sketch frivolous drapes on each side of the cardboard-display screen…

Back stage, the situation was hectic: bulky fighters tried to squeeze their bulges into tight pants, bottles of marmalade were still being filled and ‘actors’ practiced their lines, as well as their patience. The initial plan had been as cunning as a toilet-roll: the OAFS had invited all of the nearby warlords, Barnabees, Letites and Angeliquees alike, to come and watch their play, while their soldiers raided heathen lands. Tonight was the night that everything had to fall into place: the heathens were to be entertained, while their power would be undermined.

The play was called ‘A Night at the OAFERA’ and featured as its protagonists:

Nagash, the narrator.
Porckie, the bass.
Toph, the tenor.

The remaining parts would be played by other members of the OAFS, while other OAFS would concern themselves with more practical matters, such as the lights, the props and the scene.

After Sun Ce’s curtains were done, it would be time for act 1: “Death on Two Legs”. The act would start as soon as Naggie’s Narrator-chair stood on the podium and as soon as Porckie managed to hoast himself in his fish-costume…

[Thepheonix]

"Move, Move, Move!" Toph shouted as he pushed his way past a gaggle of extras that were needlessly crowding around Porckie's dressing room, eager to get a peek at the 'fish costume' that no one but the three of them had yet seen.

The extras grudgingly gave way and Toph managed to get into his own room, slamming the door shut behind him and diving for the stack of papers on his dresser. The truth of the matter was that Toph had nearly completely forgotten that tonight was the night, and, honestly, didnt know his lines yet. Yes, they had been practicing for quite some time, but... Toph was a busy Sidhe, and had kept putting off the task until 'later'.

"Nagash, be late, please be late" he muttered to himself as he furiously read through his lines...

[Porckie]

*BOINK*

The dwarf had been hiding in Toph's dresser and, just as he wanted to make a surprise entrance, the fish tail that was supposed to be hanging between his legs now found his way, again, around his ankles.

"Now stop laughing and zip me up. Or I will find -another- way of making you reach those high notes!"

Porckie grunted, as he lay, barebacked and facing the ground, and pointed at the special contraption they had made for Toph's special appearance that night.

[_Nagash_]

Act I - Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To...)





The curtains had drawn and Nagash was sitting in a comfortable chair at the center of the stage. He looked into the audience, slightly tilted his head, and spoke in a loud clear theatery voice:

" A night at the OAFERA. A night to remember. A night which will show you the nature of the OAFS, and which will be filled with bohemians, prophets and queens who need a shave. But all that will unveil in due time. We will have to begin at the beginning, which in a sense was also an end, and a shift of paradigm!

For not too long ago the bored Fishermen contemplated a move on their adversaries. They had a cunning plan to outmanoever the enemy first, and themselves later. So sit tight and prepare, for here comes DEATH ON TWO LEGS!

(This play is dedicated to all heathens and non-heathens)"


The curtain dropped and Nagash swiftly arose. The music started to play, and a voice rang out through the theater, singing "You suck my blood like a leech, you break the law and you preach". He took his chair and took it backstage with the help of a big-nosed goblin. The singer continued: "Screw my brain till it hurts, you've taken all my money and you want more!". As he knew the curtains would rise after this, he hurried to the make-up room. Soon he would be on again.

[Thepheonix]

Toph looked askance at the 'contraption' Porckie had been insisting he wear to 'improve his high notes'. Honestly, the Sidhe would rather die. Aside from looking profoundly unconfortable... all wirey and strappy and heavy... the entire thing was painted the most garish orange and purple combination he had ever seen.

"Err... Porckie... again, no. How you ever even thought... Oh, come here." Toph snapped, grabbing Porckie and manhandling the stubborn zipper into place.

"There. And *this*" Toph pointed to his throat "will be just fine, thank you."

Well, he might bolster his voice with a little spell, but... well, Porckie didnt have to know about that part of the plan.

Toph looked over his lines one more time. It looked like for this first scene he did not play a very large role... his main parts came in in future scenes... but-

A pounding on the door startled Toph, and he lept up and opened the door.

"Come on! You're up! We're starting!" Blacklock said, clearly annoyed that he had to do such a menial task as actually reminding people when they were supposed to be ON STAGE.

"Ah! Yes, thanks!" Toph said, hurrying past the director towards the stage itself.

The overture had just finished when Toph found his spot, standing on the 'shore' of a large lake. The curtains rose, and Toph began.

"A poor fisherman am I,
with no boat nor fish to fry.
My money has all left and gone,
I fear some Leto has done me wrong!

Yet here I stand, alone, with only a rod in my hand."
Toph paused for dramatic effect, then, raising his rod to the heavens
"Come OAFS! Join me in my stand!"

Now, at this moment, Nagash in a fishing boat was supposed to come out from stage right, while Porckie, the magical fish, was supposed to come from stage left. But... nothing. Toph glanced offstage to spot Blacklock fuming and storming off towards the makeup rooms.

To kill the time, Toph pretended to fish.