The Slaughtered Rise Again (open to angies/oafs)

[DeviusZwei]

"Its not right. He's he a bloody tyrant, you know this isn't an option."

"I also know its the only option, and he is a fabled general of many wars and great victories.

"We will regret this day, that we turn to the eaters of flesh for salvation."

Devius sat crouched over his desk, reading scrolls, writing scrolls, staring at maps and rows of names and numbers. He noticed his kings guard enter, but did not turn away from his work as he addressed the man.

"What is it? I'm incredibly busy. You realise we are outnumbered greatly, by nearly 200 percent."

"Emissaries who claim to be survivors of the wars on angelique of recent. They wish to speak with you, I believe to seek your aid, my king."

Devius stopped writing and looked up from his scrolls and maps.

"Well send the poor fellows in. Shit!?"

"Of course, sir."

Devius finished a letter and sealed it with his King's seal. He stared at the red wax for a moment as his guard escorted the two men in. As he set the scroll aside, the men knelt before his desk. Devius motioned for them to stand and signalled his guard to step back outside the chamber door.

"Well now my good brothers of angelique, what can a dead man do for you?"

"It is the faith sire, they need you now more than ever. They need you for good. Our people have been slaughtered. We humbly seek refuge behind your walls, and beg my king to free our people from the heathen's sickle."

Devius turned his head slightly, squinting his eyes at the man's request. He turned away from the men, spinning in his chair. The men in blue robes whispered behind his back, something about his face. He knew why. He turned around, standing up and pulling a longblade from behind his desk. Devius approached the men, pricking each of their outstretched necks with the tip of his blade. Moments passed as he paced back and forth debating whether or not to kill the men where they stood. He finally let his arm drop to his side, but held the weapon firmly.

"I hear your request, and I've studied the decimation of this faith. But I also remember those who turned their back on me last time the faith called for my help. But I see this time is different. You're desperate, or you would not come here."

Devius walked around his desk and sat back down, putting the blade back in its hiding place.

"You are free to my civilian living quarters, here within the city walls, tell your faithmates the flesh eaters shall answer their plea for a stronger military and spiritual presence. Now leave me to my work. It's not easy being a bloody tyrant."

Devius winked the seared flesh around his eye and spread his bleeding lips in a grin.

[DeviusZwei]

DeviusZwei sat with his city council, surrounded by his personal guard. On the round table lay maps, charts, astronomical predictions, sun readings, moon readings, heathen stats, everything a general could want. Devius poured over the materials. The reports were coming in so fast he could hardly keep up, but one report caught his eye. Dynamo had made war on the OAFS. The OAFS were hardly known for their military prowess. Devius knew, he had once fought among them, well several times actually. The attack was surprising to Devius. He thought that surely the Leto followers would strike at his guild, not the poorly defended OAFS. But he knew what they knew. They took the easy strike. Nobody wanted to run headlong into all the forts the Eaters had built across their lands. But the war still puzzled him. As a former OAF, he felt sympathy for the heathens, but as a former leader of Leto in ages past, he understood the ruthlessness of the strike. He knew, in another lifetime, he would have done the same.

"What do we know about the war between Dynamo and OAFS?"

Devius's military advisor answered quickly, "We know from scouts that the OAFS were lightly defended, poorly constructed new realms. We also know from database stats taken just before the strike that it was nearly a 200 percent downhit in networth. And we know... the OAFS are being slaughtered like sheep."

"Very well. Keep a close eye on the affair. Contact both parties and get a story behind this. I want to know why. If its a simple matter of sheer numbers, then so be it, but I have the feeling there are other reasons we don't know about at this point."

Devius moved on to another paper. Again it caught his attention. It was a letter from an anonymous follower of angelique, who suggested that the recent influx of members into the Eaters organization could allow easy access for spies into the guild, giving away strategies and war plans. Devius read the letter carefully, agreeing fully with the warning. But there was little he could really do about it. As no one else had taken charge over the angelique faith, he could hardly turn any refugees away now. How could he determine spies from the faithful? He would have to be extremely cautious in his dissemination of information. Only his inner circle must know his deep secrets...

Devius instructed his counsel to leave him to his studies. He needed to do some hard thinking, and eventually some hard talking, to find out who exactly his new recruits really were.

[Porckie]

"We should go this way!"
- "No, that way!"
"No, no! We must surely head towards this direction!"
- "Anyone want some milk? Oi! Hands off!"

Finding the Eaters turned out to be tougher than expected. The OAFS were in a mixed state of disarray and arousal...

"Porckie, sir! Nagash is swaffling me...again!"
"Porckie, I am hungry!!"
"Porckie, I need to peepee, with my piepie, down a puhpuh, before I have to go poopoo!
"Porckie, I've got a map from an ancient manuscript, that will readily tell us the way--"

Porckie raised his hands and wiggled his eyebrows, for dramatic effect as well as a cue for silence.

"I have the compass! And we are going towards the Eaters, so we will go that way, to the E for Eaters!"

As mumbling and murmuring arose from the group, Porckie once again applied his facial features to grab everyone's attention.

"Let me remind you of our mission! These Eaters have OAFnapped Devius and Murfle, the magic Mounty!"

Reminded of their mission, the OAFS nodded sagely and followed their dwarven leader as he held the compass in his hands. They had brought all sorts of vegetables, in a devious plot to defeat the wicked flesh-eating OAFnappers by upsetting their bowels.

As the group steadily advanced, they were suddenly caught up by a transpiring messenger...

"Sirs...the Dynamic Letitties have attacked your realms and beat them to a pulp! The troops eagerly await your return!"

Faced with this new information, a dozen of eyebrows were raised in shock.

"OK, team! We will need to go about this fast! Toph...we will have to use one of your transportation-spells. But I'm telling you, if we land in another swamp, I will personally use your library for toilet-paper!"

Porckie joined the other OAFS as they braced themselves (and their vegetables) in expectation of the Sidhe's spellbinding spoonerisms....

[Thepheonix]

Toph looked down at the anchient manuscript in his hand and shook his head sadly... they were headed the wrong way, and Porckie would hear absolutely none of it. By his own twisted logic, alliteration was the true, sole and best way to find anything. Onions in the Orchard, Bricks in the basement, Apricots in the attic, and he seemsed convinced that there were Sidhe in the Sewers. Therefore, of course, the Eaters were not at their ancestral homelands to the north, but were instead due East.

"OK, team! We will need to go about this fast! Toph...we will have to use one of your transportation-spells. But I'm telling you, if we land in another swamp, I will personally use your library for toilet-paper!" Porckie shouted.

Toph glared back at Porckie in return. The incident Porckie was referring to was by no means Toph's fault. In fact, had Toph not intervened, wet clothes would have been the least of their worries.

"Okay everyone, gather round. Porckie, try not to squeeze my hand to a pulp this time. Oh, and no one drop their vegetables behind today. Last time Nagash didn't keep his hand on his and we spent half an hour zipping back and forth picking up the pieces and I do NOT want another headache like that again. Now... lets see..."

Toph concentrated and moments later the warband reappeared in Fisher's hall, vegetables thankfully intact. Behind him, Toph heard Porckie spluttering and turned around, a smile already growing on his lips.

Porckie pulled himself out of the fishtank and Toph spread his hands apologetically

"Hey, at least it wasn't a swamp, right? I mean, I cant be responsible for exactly where everyone will land, right?"

This was not entirely true... Toph could predict where each person would land and had positioned himself to get the appropriate result... but Porckie didnt have to know that.

[DeviusZwei]

As Devius made his way to the war room, covered in blood and armor still, he passed through Fisher's Hall where his great aquarium, built for his first wife, was built. For a brief moment he passed right by the intruders, then he turned and came back, facing them. Porckie was climbing out of the fish tank, covered in seaweed and barnacles.

"Porckie? Toph? What the hell are you doing here? You aren't even disguised!? Of course the OAFS would show up in my castle, in my fish tank! Without disguises! What are you doing?"

Devius paced back and forth, unsheathing his blade and rolling a fag with one hand. He asked for a light and the Sidhe provided. Devius continued to pace, covered in blood, blood thirst in his eyes, blade in shaking hand, smoking furiously.

"You know I've just been invaded? My entire faith? What kind of time is that to drop by Porckie? We're enemies now. Murfle is with me. He's an Eater now. Tell me why I should not strike you down where you stand?"

[DeviusZwei]

Devius sheathed his blade and shook his head. Only the OAFS would show up uninvited, undisguised, in the middle of his fish tank, during a war. For a brief moment, he nearly smiled at the thought, but the feeling quickly faded away as the sound of catapults bombarding his castle pierced through the air.

Devius couldn't believe it. He had held up to their siege initially for 24 hours, then lost one city. Now he was about to lose his capitol...

Devius shrugged and turned, walking away down the hall as he spoke.

"Well since you're here, you may as well join me in the war room..."

As Devius stood over the table in his war room, sketching on maps and pushing little flags with a cane, his personal guards burst through the doors. At the same time, Devius felt the land beneath his feet quake. This time there would be nothing to stop the heathens, this time they'd brought more than enough troops to lay siege to his castles.

Sire! You must leave now! The heathens are closing in on the main castle, we're down to holding 330 acres, they will soon be here! You must survive to lead the faith my lord!

Devius considered himself a man of honor when it came to bloodshed. "Go down with the ship..." he thought for a moment. But his men were right. The Eaters, as well as Angelique, needed him alive right now more than ever. He looked at Porckie and Toph, and the rest of the weasels, then with a look of shame, he nodded to his guards to lead him away to a safe haven.

Come sire, we shall take to the tunnels, fight guerilla style if we must, until we reach Lord Vicious's realms to the deep north. We have word from the General that his kingdoms remain under siege as well, but so far have fended off the invaders with great courage and valor. His main castle sits on 20,000 acres in the heart of the Eaters homeland, it is the safest place for you now, sire.

"Very well. We shall set-up a temporary command post within the walls of Vicious's castle, where I may continue to guide my men to victory over these false-god loving usurpers. Their claim to the throne will not last. It shall not last."

Devius pushed aside a large bookshelf and stepped into the darkness of the tunnel behind it. He turned around to address his guests.

"Well are you coming? You don't want to become a casualty of MY war."

One of his guards lit a torch, and sliding the bookshelf shut behind them, the group fled the city as it burned to the ground.

[Porckie]

OOC: fixed

Porckie crawled his way out of the fishtank and noticed a familiar setting: Toph, a transportation spell, wet underpants...typical. As he rubbed the sardines from his eyes, he had a similar sensation: they appeared to have arrived in their own Fishers' Hall!

The dwarf assumed that Toph had accidentally misunderstood his orders and had transported them back home in stead of taking them to the Eaters for a quick and snappy recue-mission. Porckie was about to slap the sidhe around the head, when suddenly Devius appeared and started babbling about this being his castle and joining the side of the womb-worshippers.

Things appeared worse than anticipated. Not only had the evil followers of Angelique kidnapped Devius and Murfle, they had brainwashed them AND stolen the plans for the Fishers' Hall, apparently to make an exact copy in order lure in the more innocent and gullible members of the OAFS.

Porckie wiggled his eyebrows and slapped Toph's bottom with a catfish, as he watched Devius portraying his art of sheathing and unsheathing his sword. Babbling away, Devius departed to a nearby room.

As the turned-astray OAF had his back to them, Porckie whispered to the others:

"Okay...they have brainwashed poor Devius into thinking he is the leader of these Eaters. I will distract him and when I, casually, say the word 'Oblooginapoozah', you whack him around the head with your vegetables!'

They then followed Devius into what appeared to be a playroom, filled with drawings and little flags to play around with. Seeing Devius throw himself at the drawing s and pushing around the flags,convinced Porckie once more that these Eaters must have been eating away at the man's brains.

As Porckie was trying to think ofa way to let the word 'Oblooginapoozah' pop up casually in a conversation, guards came rushing in. Still in a deep state of emponderment, Porckie took no heed of the conversation. A sudden chock went through the dwarf's veins as he saw Devius motion towards a newly appeared tunnel. Removing the electrifying eel from his trunks, Porckie grumbled...

"Ooh...a big hole in the wall, where a bookshelf used to be. You may want to get used to that when we get home, grandmaster Topheh!"

He then turned to all of the oafs and whispered:

"Don't forget, I say 'Oblooginazapoozah'and you whack him in the head!".

Porckie then followed Devius into the tunnel and, after a short five minute walk, Porckie tapped the former member of the OAFS on the shoulder.

"Say, master Devius...nice weather, isn't it?"

The dwarf stammered, as he glanced at his surroundings, a dark, long and winding tunnel, and the queer look of surprise and suspicion on Devius' face.

"Oblooginazapoozah!!!"

With that, the OAFS unsheathed their zuccini's and stepped into action...

[DeviusZwei]

OOC: I can't allow you to persuade devius into joining oafs this age (angie needs me), but u can oafnap him for now...

"Oblooginazapoozah!!!"

"What the hell?"

Devius turned around to see his guards being knocked out with zuccinis. He reached for his blade, but before he could get to it a zuccini caught him square in the nose. Devius stumbled back.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy!?!"

The Oafs moved in with zuccinis and a large potato sack, pummeling Devius into a stupor, before stuffing him inside the sack.

[Thepheonix]

"I heard that, you undersized excuse for a bag of turnips." Toph grumbled back at Porckie.

Turnips? Undersized bag of Turnips was the best insult he could come up with? Toph sighed. Maybe he should spend more time with these Eaters fellows and let them teach him a few pointers on talking 'tough'.

"Oblooginazapoozah!!" Porckie shouted from the tunnel, setting his dastardly plan into effect.

Mere moments later, it was over. Devius' guards were unconscious, the man himself stuffed into a sack. Toph hurried towards Porckie.

”Well, that worked reasonably well, all things considered. What are we going to do with him, anyways?”

Porckie looked thoughtful, so Toph decided to let him think about what to do with his catch and glanced around the tunnel, his eyes coming to rest on one of the youngest OAFS, who was sitting on the ground holding the two pieces of his Zuchinni in his hands, doing his best not to burst into tears. It appeared that the battle had not been entirely without casualties.

”Shhh, its going to be fine.” Toph said, coming over to the soldier and grabbing his zuchinii pieces in both hands. Placing the two halves together, Toph muttered a spell of Vegetable mending and presented the young man with his newly-whole Zuchinii.

Pushing himself to his feet, Toph turned to Porckie. ”Well, lets get out of here at least. If you want, we can go the ‘old’ way.”

Toph concentrated and a shimmering black disk appeared in the air, large enough for the OAFS to step through. After a few seconds, a room appeared in the disk, and the smell of salt wafted through into the tunnel.

”There. The real Fisher’s hall.” Toph said. ”Now give me a moment… I have an idea…”

Toph turned back towards the main room, reaching into his pockets for a piece of paper and a pen as the OAFS made their way back to their island citadels. Reaching the table, Toph began to write.

”Dear EATERS,

For blatantly copying our hall, we have OAF-napped your leader, Devius. If you want him back, please demonstrate that you have made significant and lasting changes to the design of your hall such that we do not feel that you are being blatant copycats.

Toph Imlardil, Sidhe mage of the Order of the Almighty Fishingrods.”

Toph put the note on the table and raced back towards the portal and home.

[OOC: For those who want to know, this is where we are going...
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