by Sunblade » Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:45 am
"Fnarr! Grolag! NO!" The goblin shouted at the backs of the retreating kobolds and then threw his sword on the ground.
The blade cracked. He sighed, had expected as much. The king had only allowed him wooden blades this time; the last time he'd been in charge of training, he'd been responsible for the deaths of the majority of the trolls. It really wasn't his fault that they couldn't follow simple instructions. He'd told them to stop, but they'd continued to march forward and had impaled themselves on the swords held out by the line of ogres. How was he to know that "halt" in Trollish roughly translated to "keep walking no matter what's in your way"?
That had been a mess, but it was no worse than this. "Fnarr! Grolag!" He screeched their names, finally saw their steps hesitate. The kobolds looked back at over their shoulders. He shrugged and bent to pick up his sword. They were still standing motionless when he looked back up. They slowly turned around to face him as he watched.
"Iz dat wrong?" One of them looked at the other in confusion.
He had no idea which one of them was which. "Yes! Wrong!"
"Wez come back?" The other one was speaking now; he was a little shorter.
"Do you see-" He stopped speaking after he had a chance to consider his words. There was not telling what they'd seen. He moved closer, halved the distance. "Yes," he said. "Come back." He motioned them forward, hoping that they'd understand what direction he meant.
He hadn't considered his speech a problem, not before now. He'd gone out and spent a small fortune on lessons from a withered old human woman who'd beat his knuckles blue with a ladle when he mispronounced something, and now everyone else pretended like they couldn't understand him.
They moved back toward him, but slowly.
One of them – Fnarr, he decided – spoke. "Youz tol uz ta defend?"
"Yes," he said, and hit his sword against his palm for emphasis. It hurt.
Grolag looked, as usual, confused. "Dat iz wha' wez waz doin'." He blinked, slowly, and then opened his mouth again. "Defend iz run an' fin' sum trolls ta hide behin'."
"Thatz right," Fnarr nodded. His nose was running, the snot thick and green. He didn't seem to notice.
"'Cuz wez hol' da line firs' but theyz getz thru uz. So wez fall back." Grolag crossed his arms.
"Um." He felt a flare of anger, but he forced it down. "That doesn't mean you pre-emptively do it!"
"Wha'?" Fnarr shook his head. "You givez uz no weapons an' wez supposed to hold da line? Wez need ... um ... pokin' stickz, at leas'."
"It's practise!" He threw his sword in the air and hoped it would land on the top of one of the kobolds' heads. It didn't, of course; it narrowly missed his own. "Go back! Stand in front of the trolls and hold the damn line!"
Fnarr and Grolag both shrugged.
"Whateva youz say." Fnarr shrugged again. "Not uz fault youz hard ta unnastan'."
They walked back to the line; he cursed them as they moved away. "'S how it works," he muttered. "They're weak; they stand in front. It's not difficult." He picked up his sword again; it put a splinter through his palm.
"Fine," he said, now furious. "We'll do the same for the ogres and the giants, then." He stalked off toward another field, still muttering. "Ogres run in first and get cut down; giantz afterward."
He swore, and loudly.
"Giants!" He yelled. "Giants! Giants! GIANTS!"
"I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness sound classy."
-Bern Williams