One of those Talonspyre Threads

[Gerien]

Plus, who says I won't get a shot at it again after my buddy?

There's something inherently pathetic about that statement.

[owly]

Getting laid is getting laid gerien....

CAN i have sloppy thirds?....

[Nato]

You guys are so gross!

[Reylan Talonspyre]

There's something inherently pathetic about that statement.

I would date her. Craziness and all. Something inherently, cuddly and soft, about her.

Point is ... she is cool. But a hot chick is a hot chick, no matter what happens. You shouldn't be the only kid in the village to not ride the bicycle. Don't be a loser. Suck it up and dive right on in ... as long as your friend didn't ride it until the spokes fell out.



Analogies ... its what I do.

Actually, after a flurry of texts from her today, trying to talk to me about my buddy, I don't think he will go there.

Something came up. Letting it pan out and then will get his back. But this is funny and somewhat depressing at the same time. Don't get me wrong. She wanted to jump me, I wouldn't probably remember my buddies name long enough to say, "We can't tell so and so!"

But she won't. Tis not the way my life goes. Ever.

Now, if we did a big bash in Vegas and I bring my SLUTs with me. (Special Ladies Utility Team)

[_Nagash_]

Point is ... she is cool. But a hot chick is a hot chick, no matter what happens. You shouldn't be the only kid in the village to not ride the bicycle. Don't be a loser. Suck it up and dive right on in ... as long as your friend didn't ride it until the spokes fell out.

As Gerien would put it: there's something inherently pathetic about that statement.

[Reylan Talonspyre]

No. There is something pathetic with this sort of life. Trust me, when you live at home at 29, work at a dead end job at the bank, find yourself falling behind those far more active people at the bar, and coming the horrible realization that you have not been in a serious relationship in almost 9 years: it is time to move on.

I don't want to just get laid by a hot chick. I have gotten that. I don't want to just have a fling with a freak in the sack. I have gotten that too. I don't want the quick and easy. I don't want the alcohol. I don't want the fucking bars. I am taking a break from alcohol and the bars for awhile. I need to start working on my real goal.

Don't laugh too loud.

I want a family. Wife, kids, dog. Whole nine yards.

I am turning the big 30. I know I have been thinking about this for almost a year.

I want to settle down, not speed up.

The bartender turned friend would have been a bad choice.

By the way, if you know my real name, she is on my Facebook.

[Fireslash]

Its easy. You can buy a dog, knock up a slut, then marry her. Just don't expect it to last but you can still enjoy the kid and the dog after the divorce.

~Fire

[Venus]

if u get the dog in the divorce
put the dog in the prenup!

[Kaxion]

Whatever happened to the golden rule????????
BROS BEFORE HOES

If I'm dating or seeing a girl and my boy ends up fucking her he'd tell me (or vice versa) and I'd see it as him doing me a favour and its the same with the rest of us.We don't wanna be mixed up with cheating sluts.

If we're only talking with a chick shes always open game there's no need to be possessive of some chick just because she talks to you lol.

[Fireslash]

well you better sign those papers then v cause you ain't taking my dog

~Fire

[owly]

i'll take the dog, thats the ticket to good dog sex for me and the dog....

[Reylan Talonspyre]

[Nato]

How do you get laid if you live at home (I assume with parents)?

[_Nagash_]

Rey, I have settled down (but not with a dog, I hate dogs) and can recommend it to ya wholeheartedly. First step would be getting a place of yer own though.

Oh, and people who say "bros before hoes" need to get laid.

[Reylan Talonspyre]

Yeah. Well, this is all fine and good, but because of a random encounter and sorta-date with my ex-girlfriend from like 9 years ago, as well as other evidence provided to me, I am pretty sure I have been in a severe state of depression for probably the past 5 years.

It is a long story and I am not at all joking about it. I have an appointment with a doctor Friday.

If you take a look at all those Talonspyre threads, there is a common theme: I like to feel important.

My reasons are thus:

1. Went out with ex-girlfriend/now-friend from awhile ago, my self-admitted happiest relationship and time of my life. We did dinner and just talked about all this crappy drama and how she has been doing with the move, etc. As we were driving back to her house, she and I agreed that it had felt like a blast from the past, back when I was at the top of the world. I was giddy. Now, understand she has a boyfriend and has been with him for 5 years. She is very happy with him. Loves him to death and he and I get along great. Been over for game night and shit like that. It was just a reminder of the times that used to be, and a harsh and direct reminder. I was giddy because I felt like I was myself again, happy, entertained, and fully ready to fuck the shit out of her.

2. It hit me like a brick when I joined up with my friend who is pursuing the bartender. I am not happy. In fact, I don't think I have been happy since the first day I muttered, "I really wish I could go back to the time I was dating Miss Smith. That was the happiest time of my life." Since every fucked up relationship or bad experience I have run to her like a scolded puppy on the off chance she would take pity on me and let me in from the cold. Never worked. She has been a loyal and concerned friend.

3. I realized the women I had chased, won, or even pursued all were weak willed or very much into how awesome I was. They either were fuck ups in life or they were hanging on my every word. I always became possessive of them. Just like this bartender, who is a mix of both. Not an uncommon trait. The hotness helped.

4. I have been eating poorly, probably for most of this year.

5. Sleep is a forgone conclusion.

6. I have been dosing myself with alcohol more frequently because it numbs the pain and lets me take a break from thinking about how my life sucks.

7. I give up way too easily, usually before the first words are uttered from women. I like my safety blanket of diving into the "friends zone" without even looking back, hoping to capture their hearts and minds with my supreme "intellect" and conventional "wisdom".

8. I have become far more emotional about things. I snap at friends for the slightest provocation or perceived betrayal.

9. I dwell on the old times as being "better" or somehow "simpler".

10. I am pretty sure my job is one of the worst jobs in the world. It is a slow pressure cooker of despair. After talking with my boss about the purposed therapy, I was told that many of our department have gone through similar situations while working there, including her.

11. I have a "bodyguard". He is a good friend, one of the best, but he is tall and frightening to people and accepted that role without question. I am not weak, but I play the part because it makes me feel like the Emperor and Vader. Like I am someone important that needs a bodyguard. Self-Aggrandizing has become way too popular in my life.

12. I don't care about the things that used to entertain me. In fact, I don't care much for the people who used to entertain me.

13. I hate myself. Hardest thing to realize but I don't find any redeemable qualities in myself. None. I just have been hiding it from myself for so long I just took it as what everyone did. It comes off as that I have a good humor about myself, but in truth, I am disgusted.

14. Yes, I have cried uncontrollably over trivial things. In private, never in public.

15. I am waiting for that woman, who like my first AND LAST long term relationship from 9 years ago, who will pick me up out of the gutter and dust me off and see potential in me. Those women are rarities. Treasures. My exgirlfriend is my best friend because of who she is. Because you keep people like her around, because they are worth every minute you stand next to them, their simplicity and approach to life can only be likened to angels.

16. I have become guarded. More so than I ever thought. The bartender said it one night, that she had bared all to me, but I had shared little. That I am like a brick wall when it comes to matters of the heart. Personal victories. Personal failures.

17. I lack energy to do things. I lack a want to do things. I refer to myself as "old and boring".

18. I have lost interest in politics because I don't care.

19. This is a hard one to admit, but what the hell, you people have been with me longer than most of my current friends, I have stopped talking to God.

20. I am paranoid. Generally to the point of kind of weirding people I have known forever out.

21. I cling to drama and spread it because it makes me feel important. Needed. Wanted. The center of attention.

22. I am lonely in a crowded room full of my friends, with the latest fucked up relationship I have standing next too me.

Wow, that is a great list. I will be taking that with me to my doctor. So yeah. I have always said I can bounce back. I will be fine. But the honest truth is, I don't think I have ever bounced back. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and knew it, besides 9 years ago. I stopped talking to the bartender. My friend is gunna bang the shit out of it. Soon, if not right now. It is cool, really. I had hoped she would be the one woman to come scoop me up and dust me off ... but she isn't. She shouldn't have to be.

I am seeking professional help. I know how weak it makes me. But I am pretty sure this requires it. Actually I am certain. Everything in my life fits, disgustingly well, when put into this one scope. No flukes. No "God just had it out for me." Just plain fits.

It was me all along. And I am depressed.

Lets hope they can help me fix myself without prescribing a pill. I like my mind. I can't risk loosing myself to become some drugged out Happy Zombie.

I am scared.
I won't lie.

Its why I posted this. I just thought I would let you all know. The situation discussed here is minor. It has been done a million times before. I am just kind of nodding my head.

Why post all this?

Because. The record has been made. Digitally. Someone else knows. I go into this delving process with open eyes.

Wish me luck. But reserve your pity. I somehow knew that the greatest fight in my life would be against me.

I have to believe I can win.

[TEVA]

I believe you can over come this situation. Stay strong and believe in yourself.

[Fireslash]

Seeking help doesn't make you weak, its probably the one thing thats gonna make you better and stronger. I have had a lot of friends try and fight away the shit that has happened to them with liqour and drugs. It'll end your ass up in jail one way or another cause it damn well don't make the shit better or go away.

I've been on a hooking up with ex's spree lately. Some last a month or two, some just a one night stand. All good in my book. But my teacher told me don't hook up with ex's because there is a reason you aren't with them anymore. And eventually that reason will resurface. So far, that statement has been true again and again.

Don't expect anyone to fix you, maybe instead of worrying about booty worry about fixing yourself and making you happy. Cause until you get yourself straightened out you ain't gonna have a relationship worth shit. Sex is only great when you don't got it. After the first week its just better than doing the job yourself.

~Fire

[_Nagash_]

That's a big of an unexpected turn to this thread. Good luck on straightening yourself out, mate. As long as you admit there is a problem, the road to the solution is open for you.

*grin*

And you know where to find us if you need to write something out of your system.

[Reylan Talonspyre]

Fire, I know you speak the truth.

As for the bartender turned friend, she knows a portion of this. It sucks she got caught up in it. Also, it sucks that my friend isn't going to be pursuing her anymore, not because of me, but because it seems she wasn't as interested anymore without me stirring the pot. His exact words were, "She needs therapy too. I swear man, she is more like you by the day, maybe you two should hook up."



My friend is a moron. But a good hearted one. She came by last night to visit me at another all night restaurant. The sheer volumes of drama and her casual dismissal of my friend, the one she called over to her house, the one she said she just wanted him to ask her out already, that same guy, just utterly turned my stomach. I would hit that, don't get me wrong. But honestly, she told me she thought she needed therapy. Not going to lie, I would be the first to jump up and recommend.

I am not spring chicken but this girl looks haggard, angry at the world, and must have forgot I know my friend, because her comments were flying left and right.

/sigh

Regardless, I can't tell him any of this. He was making up his own mind and left before she got there. It will just cause more drama and he will get yanked back and forth some more. Fuck that. I am out. Out out out out out! Poor kid though, she needs to settle down.

/shrug

I don't really care. I am just down. Thanks for the kind words and great advice I will seek to fix me tomorrow.

Viva la Revolucion!

[Reylan Talonspyre]

The doctor says I should be taking Wellbutrin.

I don't think I will take it.

If I do, I am going to write out a statement that explains how I feel, who I am, and what was going on. I have to remember who I am, that everything doesn't HAVE to be hunky dory.

God, this is fucked up.

[Gerien]

I take Welbutrin (bupropion). It doesn't "change" you. It just helps you deal with a neurological/chemical imbalance that keeps you from being who you want to be.

[owly]

i'm schizophrenic and i take all kinds of medicine to be normal, that hard to admit but it's true. the medicine really helps me be normal....

edit/The trouble is when you take your medicine and start feeling normal you don't take your medicine then you get all fucked up. i see things like giant spiders for one thing, and i hear sirens just to name a few of my hallucinations....

edit2/the worste is when i feel worms in my head

[Reylan Talonspyre]

I don't know if I need it. I have a filled prescription, but I want to get a second opinion. My mind is very precious to me. It makes me who I am. I don't want to go down this route without trying alternatives first.

Gerien, doesn't it take almost 3 months before any effects are felt anyways?

[owly]

i never heard of a medicine that takes 3 months to work...

[Gerien]

Actually it's about 3 weeks. Generally it's used in conjunction with discussion-based therapy. Again, it doesn't change you, but depression is a chemical imbalance that keeps you from living up to your own expectations or desires. Correcting that imbalance doesn't change who you or are alter your mind.